Two weeks ago I shared my breakfast changes that I made to boost my weight loss. I’m really enjoying my fruit, Perle de Lait yoghurt, and oats every morning now, it sets me up for the day and is super tasty.
My exercise has increased too; I am walking more, thanks to Pokemon Go and my drive to beat my anxiety. I’m pottering around more, I feel like I have a bit more energy too.
However, my eating has taken a hit. Chocolate is, less sneaking, more storming back into my diet. My portions are growing again, gradually, but they are.
I have maintained this past two weeks. I weighed in this morning at the same weight as two weeks ago. That is good in that my exercise level is currently keeping me from putting all those lost pounds back on, but it’s bad because I still have a way to go until I am a healthy weight. My weight loss is barely at the half way point.
I have had too many puddings; delicious patisseries at most lunchtimes. I am struggling with my cravings in the evenings again. I am hungry more again too. Now this could be down to a variety of things; I am currently seeing a therapist so am doing a lot of heavy inner work and pushing myself emotionally to get better and get into a place of recovery. I am putting myself in stressful (for me) situations in order to beat my anxiety back. I am opening cans of worms that are upsetting, distressing and incredibly painful.
So it could be that, it could be that my weight loss needs to be put on the back burner for a bit, just while I deal with the extra stress coming up. But I’m not going to. I feel surprisingly driven to keep it up at the moment. I feel driven to do more walking, not just once a day with the dogs, but randomly alone for an hour or so, Pokehunting!
I still haven’t tried our exercise bike, I know I should. I also know I should dust off my 30 Day Shred DVD and my 5 Day Get Fit Mix one too. I should schedule in daily yoga. I should do X, Y and Z. But at the moment I’m focused on walking, maybe because the Pokemon aspect makes it fun, maybe because my last experience with the 30 Day Shred has terrified me, maybe because being sweaty is not fun for me and walking allows me to get my heart rate up without getting too sweaty, or feeling like I might die.
I’m full of shoulds, but I’m trying to brush them off because I know I’m doing the best I can with what I have at the moment. I am working at my own rate, and, as I’ve said before, this is a lifestyle change for me. I’m not doing this to drop a few dress sizes for summer and then pile them back on, leaving me stuck in a perpetual dieting cycle. That is not for me. I want to make my relationship with food healthier, I want to make my relationship with exercise better, and I want to be able to enjoy both those things.
Looking out there into the future I see myself, slimmer, toned, in control of my food intake in a healthy way. Not being drawn to food for comfort, enjoying food but not to excess. I see a woman who enjoys spending a couple of hours going for a weekly walk, maybe doing yoga a few times a week or maybe even a dance class or Zumba, because she enjoys it, not because she feels she has to because she ate a molleux au chocolat!
That’s my aim, that’s why I’m happy for this to be a marathon weight loss journey, not a sprint to the finish. I’m changing my mindset and that will take time, that’s not a quick fix. But my Slimpod, combined with my therapist (who is helping me redefine myself) and my own determination, I know I can do it.