In my post explaining where I’ve been it all sounded dramatic and scary and awful. It was. It is. But, despite that, I am making progress. I have mad progress. That hospitalisation was the first I have had before a suicide attempt, others have always been after. That, in itself, is progress.
But the reason I have chosen progress as my word of the week this week is because of other things too. The books we bought have now all arrived (the two pictured, plus one other) and are being used. My mum is powering through the family guide while I slowly dig in to the DBT workbook and book about coping with BPD. I am not rushing into them, partly because I know it will be hard going, but I am using them and I will do the work, because I want to get better. I am planning to schedule in time to work on the exercises in the workbook, I have found a complimentary Podcast, and I am going to really try.
Additionally, I believe I can make progress because of my therapist. I had my first session on Wednesday and I felt not only heard, but understood.
She listened, and she really got where I was coming from. She sees where my issues are and I believe she has the skills to help me deal with them.
Again, it wont be easy. I expect her to challenge me, to challenge my thinking, to push me when I need to be pushed. But equally, I trust that she will listen to me if I say “no, that is too much, that is too soon.” I feel like we are on the same page and working from the same angle. I feel she believes in me, and that in itself is a huge boost.
So this week has been about progress, and I hope that theme will continue over the coming months and years.