I’m still not 100% sure that I will change my name at all, or, if I do, what to, but I wont know what ‘fits’ without trying it on properly.
To me Trinity sounds strong, and along with that I feel like it embraces my multifaceted personality. I know we all have different parts to our personality, but I don’t feel that Olivia really recognises any of mine.
I have long felt very disconnected from my birth name, I remember as a child pretending I was called Naomi. Now I’m older and going through a process of self-discovery I feel even more disconnected from it, it doesn’t fit me, it doesn’t sit right, and I just dislike it in general.
I have noticed on several occasions recently, people mentioning an Olivia they know, or one featuring in the news or whatever and I have a really visceral reaction to it now. I almost recoil as I realise how far apart myself and that name have become. It’s hard to explain and probably makes no sense, but that’s just how it is.
After much soul searching, Googling names, talking to my parents, specifically my Mum, and chats with friends too, I have decided to take the plunge and try on Trinity officially. It feels more like me, it feels right, natural, a similar feeling to when I first discovered Paganism and Wicca and began carving my spiritual path.
I was getting very nervous and overthinking the situation; what people will think and say, whether it’s a sensible decision, whether it’s me or my illness, what if I try it and don’t like it? And then the Universe went from quiet whispering to outright yelling at me to go with my gut, to trust myself, and to do it!
There were many synchronistic events which led me to this point, specifically over the past few days, but the main one was receiving a newsletter I subscribe to which began with the Nelson Mandela quote,
“May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears”
So here we go, into a new chapter. I’m embracing my hopes and dreams, no longer letting the fear hold me back and stop me fighting to create the future I want. I will be the person I want to be, and embracing Trinity is one step in that direction.