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The Prompt: In Between

Bronzed selfieI am at something of an in between stage in my life right now. I’m in limbo, trying to make a decision about how I want to present myself to the world in the future, how I want to be seen.

It’s something I alluded to in my post a few months back about confusion, but now, having spoken to my parents about it, it’s something I can share more openly: I’m thinking about changing my name.

Now, let me say that, at this current point in time, I am only thinking about it. I know it’s a huge decision and one I am not taking lightly, but I’ve never really liked my given name and the more self-discovery work I do the more disconnected I feel from it.

On speaking to my Mum about it, she said that she had felt rushed to choose my name and there had been several on the table at the time. Of course, having to register the birth within however many days it is and having not had her heart set on a name for me during the pregnancy, my name was one she liked but not a ‘meaningful’ one. She had wanted a name that was ‘different’ but not too out there, but it seems everyone had the same idea and my name is common as muck now!

So at this moment in time I’m “trying it on” in a social media setting. Soon I suspect I will try it out in a family setting before rolling it out to friends if that feels comfortable.

I appreciate that there are people who will not accept it if I do change my name legally. I know that it seems like a drastic thing to do, but at the moment it feels right. I’m feeling my way with this, and if at any point it feels awkward or wrong I’ll take a step back and have a serious think about it.

So that’s where I’m at right now. In between. In between names, identities, figuring it all out. What are you in between at the moment?

mumturnedmom

5 comments

  1. Sheri Kauffman

    I’m in between depression and wellness. My latest increased dosage has at least brought me up to “flat with a few ups” (if that makes sense). And I’m thinking of working with a cognitive behavioral coach as well as my therapist.

    I don’t understand why anyone would have the right to be upset with your name change, it’s your name not theirs!

  2. Sara | mumturnedmom

    I think that our names are important. I read a lot of fantasy, and there is a common idea that names have power, and I think that they do to a certain extent. And, they certainly have a strong connection to our identity. I can’t imagine people not accepting the change, especially as it’s clearly such a considered one. Thank you so much for sharing with #ThePrompt x

  3. Steph

    @MissInformed11 on twitter changed her name legally not so long ago. Not sure if you follow each other but she might be a good person to chat to.

    I’ve always hated my name and not helped by my mum announcing she hates PH in names. I’ve never found a name I like better but I’m an odd one and not keen on any names (there are probably 3 names in don’t mind!)

    I think you should do what you feel is right for you and it’s not up to anyone else what you do. It’s your name after all and from what you’ve said about your mum picking your name it sounds like she will support you xx

    1. Mrs TeePot

      I didn’t follow her but I’ve just hopped across to Twitter and given her a follow, thanks!

      Sorry to hear you hate your name, it’s a rubbish feeling isn’t it. In my search for alternatives I hit up Google for ages and made a list of ones I liked, there were about 6 in total that I’ve whittled down. It is hard to find one you like, I think because, for me at least, you want it to represent who you are and that’s really difficult to do in 1 name. Plus, of course, you have to like the look & sound of it!

      Thanks for your comment 🙂 My mum was very supportive thankfully when I spoke to her about it, as was my step-dad, I’m very lucky.

  4. Cara

    Hi, thanks for sharing this. It’s pretty cheap and easy to change your name by deed poll now, and I’m told that lots of people are doing it, although I suspect that most of them are like my mate Dave who first changed his name to his number plate (cheaper than getting a number plate changed to his name), and then to Yorkshire Bank are Facist Bastards (just so they’d put it on his chequebook – they put Mr YBAF Bastards). We all call him Dave, usually followed by ‘bless’.
    Changing your name for real is a massive deal, and I’m not surprised to hear you’ve thought about it a lot. It’s not just you of course, it’s the people who chose that name and, for surnames, the other people who have that name.
    I like ‘Cara’ (I was going to be Tara but the neighbours got a dog called Tara so thank goodness for that!), but I don’t like that my surname is patrilineal whatever we do. I want to respect the matrineal line, and especially my grandmother, Lillie, who was lied to/not told the truth about her own missing mother, and so had to learn to mother for herself. She did a great job, and stood no nonsense. I doubt I’ll change my name by deed poll but when I’m writing I use the middle initial L – to honour my grandmother, in my head the L stands for Lilliesline, however, I let my Dad go on believing it stands for Lewis – his surname. What the eye don’t see won’t break the heart.
    I hope your change goes well, and wish you love and light.

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