New Jumper selfie

The Prompt: Confusion

New Jumper selfieI’ve ummed and ahhed about writing this post and then I saw that The Prompt this week was confusion so I decided to go for it! I’m going to be a little elusive in it as I’m not ready to either make a firm decision, or even really knock the idea about properly with other people. It’s something that has been in my mind since childhood, but only seriously cropped up a year ago, and really seriously a few weeks ago.

Essentially it is regarding my identity, which I’ve written a lot about here on the blog. I’ve written about trying to create an identity that resonates with who I am inside, but I’m still dealing with a lot of confusion around my identity. In fact, someone suggested a grounding exercise to me which involved reeling off facts about yourself; name, age, etc, to remind you of who you are. I thought about it briefly before realising that I couldn’t really do it, I didn’t feel connected enough to myself to be able to list those details as fact. I didn’t feel real to me.

I have changed a lot over the past few years, I have spent a lot of time on self-discovery, figuring out who I want to be, how I want to appear and bringing my physical self into line with what I see in my mind’s eye. But there are things that I still need to work on, and one that may be a big change.

The problem is that I know some people wont understand it, important people in my life may be hurt by it, and I don’t want that. But at the same time, I need to figure myself out and become who I want to be.

So I’ve been thinking a lot, researching a lot, generally figuring it out in my head first before I decide whether to bring it up to people close to me, whether it’s something I really want and that I really feel will help me. But, until I’ve decided, I guess life will continue to be full of confusion.

mumturnedmom

7 comments

  1. Sheri

    I have rewritten this response too many times. I suppose I simply hope for you to have the courage you need to do what you must so that you may find your answers.

  2. Verily Victoria Vocalises

    A quote from Twelfth Night by Shakespeare came to mind when I read this – ‘O time, thou must untangle this, not I. It is too hard a knot for me to untie! I hope time and thought helps you through what sounds like a difficult decision. #ThePrompt x

  3. Sara | mumturnedmom

    It sounds to me as if you are doing all the right things to get to a point where you feel comfortable with your decisions. I like Vicky’s quote, it seems very appropriate. I hope that you find the resolution and certainty that you seek. Thank you so much for sharing with #ThePrompt x

  4. Kirsty Hijacked By Twins

    I hope that you figure it out and that the people that you love, and who love you accept whatever it is. I honestly think that sometimes we can worry about what others will think when we need to do what is actually best for us. I hope that makes sense x

  5. Maddy@writingbubble

    Sounds like a big decision but I think you need to do what’s right for you. Ultimately, not doing something important to you, in order to avoid hurting those you love is likely to end up hurting them at some point anyway because you won’t truly be happy, or truly be yourself. The people who love you want you to be happy, you can trust in that. Hope you find a way through the confusion. xx

  6. Pempi

    We meet again through a different linky – it just goes to show there are many strands and identities to us all so do not worry too much if you can’t define yourself – we all grow and change throughout our lives. I am sure you will come to make the right decision at the right time whatever it is and on a completely different note – you look fantastic in that new photo 🙂 Special Teaching at Pempi’s Palace

  7. Cara

    Love and light to you. I hope your path through this confusing time isn’t too bumpy.

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