Now I want you to look at that last word on it, I chose it because that is how I felt today, and yesterday in fact, maybe even the day before too. Maybe that’s not a big deal for you, maybe you feel happy a lot, but I don’t. I nearly always feel something else; anxious, depressed, hypomanic, unstable, unhappy, nervous, sad, confused. I could list every emotion outside of just ‘happy’ there, so this is a huge moment in my life.
This afternoon I sat on our terrace here in Spain, I listened to the sea, to the gulls, I watched the clouds, I felt the warmth of the sun beating down on me and I felt so blessed and so very lucky. Not just to be here, in Spain, but to be here in general, to be alive, to be me.
Right now I am stable, and I can begin to unpick what is me and what is my illness and, more importantly, I can begin to see a future where I am not constantly swinging from one emotion to the next. I can begin to believe that a future free, at least for periods of time, of mood swings and anxiety exists for me. After years of fighting and always feeling wrong, right now I feel, for want of a better word, ‘normal.’
So this week for Share the Joy & Happy Days I’m sharing my happiness. That’s it. Just the fact that I am, at this moment, happy, without side helping of any negative emotion.
Are you happy?