I’ve written before about how, now I’m in my mid/late twenties, I’m finding, or even creating, my identity but, having just had my nose pierced, I thought I’d share some thoughts on it for Prose for Thought, Word of the Week, Share the Joy & Happy Days.
For over twenty years I hid myself behind a veil of normal. Pretending to fit in. Scared of judgement.
Twenty years, more than, I faked it.
“Fake it ’til you make it,” that’s what they say. Only I never made it.
Until I realised I didn’t want to make it, not like that. Until I realised that I, me, was just perfect as I was.
With my quirks, my issues, my slightly alternative beliefs and desires. Me, all of me, is perfect, just as I was meant to be.
Then it was time to create myself. To show my personality through my look, to change my style to suit the real me. Time to stop pretending to care about fashion or celebrities. To dive into myself and discover what I wanted and who I was.
I still want to be loved, married, a mother. But most of all, I want to be me, and I want to be happy being me.
And the weirdest thing? I feel more confident with my piercings. Even knowing that I stand out more, that I’m open to judgement and mocking, I love them, the are an outward representation of my personality and my quirks. They give me joy.
I feel, as my outward identity is created and falls more and more into line with my inner self, the feeling that I can beat my anxiety too. The feeling that, even though it is a big demon, a strong and well armed enemy, soon I will defeat it, and then I can be myself completely.
I know, as I grow into my true self, that I will win. I can see a future where I go out alone, unafraid, and that is the power of identity.