It should be noted that, while I’m holidaying in Spain, I’m not dating. I not checking my messages, not logging onto the online dating sites, I’m having a holiday from trying to find a partner as well as from having to live in France!
But that’s not what prompted this post. It may have come to your notice that I’m really getting in to piercings. I now have 3 lobe piercings on each ear and a helix piercing & a daith piercing on my left ear. I love them, I do not love getting them done, but I love the look of them and how they make me feel about myself. I love that I can express myself in this way and decorate my body with beautiful jewelry. I still have a wishlist of piercings, mainly for my right ear, things I want done but am saving up for, but one thing I do want done, something that has risen to the top of my list, is a nose piercing.
And this is where the real post starts! Because today my Mother said to me that, if I had a nose piercing, I would be limiting my options when dating. Never one to argue with my Mother *ahem* I concede that she is right. However, and it’s a big however, if someone isn’t interested in me because of my piercings then obviously they’re not the one for me. At least that’s my attitude. I don’t want to settle, and I certainly don’t want to be in another relationship where I can’t dye or cut my hair, gain or lose weight, or basically change my look because it will cause issues in the relationship.
She brought up other issues, mostly related to me wanting a septum piercing, but as I’m unsure if it would suit me, even though I love them, I’ve now decided a ‘traditional’ nose ring is the way to go.
Personally, I love piercings, not all piercings, and not on all people, but the last date I had was with a guy I messaged purely because he had an eyebrow piercing in his profile photo! I think it’s hot, and I love them on me too. I think I look hot (oh yes, I said it) now I have some metal going on!
I love my pink hair, my wild eye-shadows, my bright lipsticks and I adore my piercings, but I don’t feel complete yet. When I look in the mirror there are still bits missing from my mental picture of myself.
I spent so long trying to fit in, terrified that if I stood out, that if someone noticed me, I’d be bullied again. I lived in fear of people laughing at me, hating me, judging me. Now, after so much time wanting, trying, desperate to be someone else’s idea of perfect, finally I want to be my own idea of perfect. And sure, I’m perfect as I am, I don’t need a new piercing to be perfect, but I want it because it is how I see myself.
This post has gone massively off topic…I wanted it to question the dating world, to ponder why we are so desperate to partner up that we ignore ourselves, our needs, our wants, our desires, just to find a mate. Instead it’s me trying to explain how far I’ve come from self-hatred and a desire to fit in, to a desire to stand out, stand proud, be different, not for the sake of being different, but because it’s me.
Maybe I’ll write that post questioning the dating world another time, but I want to post this. I want to post it because I’m proud of me, proud that I’ve come to a place where I care more about being myself than finding a partner. Self-love is where it’s at, and I honestly, truly believe that my love for myself will bring the right person to me, but these things take time.