After the fear of last week I was going to use ‘anxiety’ as my word of the week but I’ve used it before, so I’ve opted for ‘trepidation’ instead.
I have been somewhat on edge this week, I think the Paris attacks have set my anxiety on edge more than usual, they were a reminder of what can happen in this world.
In addition, my usual anxieties about bowling on Tuesday were increased when a huge group came in part way through our bowling session. My anxieties mostly revolve around people so that caused a massively heightened sense of anxiety which didn’t leave until today really.
Wednesday is one of the mornings which sees us head to dog agility training, I got ready and got in the car only to find that my anxiety was getting worse and worse and, about 3 minutes before our arrival, I had to admit that I couldn’t do it. I did get back on the horse that afternoon and go with my Mum to do a bit of food shopping though, so all was not lost.
I have decided, after the anxiety issues that day, that I’m going to embark on some shadow work. I’ll be inviting my fears to tea. I’m hoping that facing my demons and digging into the why I feel so scared of people will eventually help me to fix myself.
Thursday saw my parents hosting a finance meeting for some of the expats, I was still feeling pretty on edge so, as people started arriving, I headed up to my room to hide.
And now we arrive at today, and more reports of terrorism. It feels like that trepidation was legitimate. Maybe my heightened anxiety was a natural response to the events in the world. I know we shouldn’t live in fear, but that can be very hard with so much evil currently making itself known.