I’ve always wanted to fit in. I’m not really one for standing out, being seen, I’d rather blend into the background and be accepted. Obviously my anxiety makes that need to act as wallpaper worse, but even so!
It’s not really healthy, in my opinion. I want to have the confidence to stand proud, the self-love to accept that I am an individual and that some people wont like who I am. I so want to accept that I’m an acquired taste and that that’s OK, it doesn’t mean I’m a bad person if someone doesn’t like me, it doesn’t make me less of a person. Their judgement doesn’t need to equal my reality.
I find it really hard to not let other people’s judgements of me affect me though. I feel like they matter, whether I know them or not, whoever they may be, whatever I think of them, to me their opinions of me matter. It shouldn’t be that way, their opinion doesn’t change who I am; even if they think I’m a bad person, I still know I try my best not to be. I envy people who have got to a place where they don’t care what others think, who are true to themselves and individual, I want to be one of them.
I suppose it’s natural to want to fit in, in this society anyway, but I don’t want to be that person. I don’t want to be a sheep, I want to embrace my individuality and be proud of who I am. That’s something I need to work on during self-love September, but I’m not sure where to start. Where do you begin dismantling 20 odd years worth of social conditioning? Help!