We’re a week, almost, into self-love September and Kelly-Ann encouraged us in her first video to look back on each week to see how we were doing with our self-love journey. I thought, for me, the best way to do that was to blog it.
So, this week has been busy, and as a result I’ve struggled a bit with focusing on self-loving behaviours. At the start of the week I found myself not only thinking, but verbalising, how rubbish I was at dog agility training, how TiLi, the pup, had been fab, but I had been pants. Later in the week, after our 3rd agility session (we usually only do 2 but we were seeing how we did in a more advanced class) I picked myself up on those thoughts and managed to change them round a bit. Instead of saying that I was no good, I said I was learning, which is the truth, I am not as advanced as the others in the new class so, obviously, I make more mistakes than they do, but that’s OK. Mistakes are natural, they’re how we learn, and by the end of this week I allowed myself to not beat myself up over them, but to accept that I will improve, in time, and that mistakes are OK.
I have also found myself being negative about my Listers Gotta List books too; I’m not creative enough with them, can’t think of enough things each day, can’t decorate them as amazingly as the other people who do it. I need to be kind to myself about it, I know this, I don’t have the artistic skills that some of the others do, I was never ‘good’ at art at school, I don’t have the money or goodies to embellish and create like they do. But I’m trying, and trying is what matters.
In positive self-loving news though, at my psychiatrist appointment on Tuesday I weighed in at 5kgs less than I did 3 months ago, and I didn’t put it down to anyone else, I didn’t shrug it off, I took the praise and I said “Yes! I did that! That is my hard work!” (Not in those words, but you get the idea!) I am proud of that; the achievement and also the fact that I was able to take the compliments from the nurse, psychiatrist and secretary.
So that’s been my first week. It’s had its ups and downs, but that’s normal, Kelly-Ann of The Four Queens is always saying that self-love is a daily practice, it is not a destination. I am hanging on to that knowledge, because self-love is hard for me, but I am determined and deserving.