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Expat Dating

Following up from yesterday’s post about online dating, I was inspired to write again by a comment on my Facebook page. So it makes sense for me to start by sharing the comment in question:

I think some people work professional jobs like doctor, lawyer and yes, teacher and genuinely don’t want to be identified. This happens more often on free dating sites though. I think you’re right, Its the French! They have a different attitude towards sex than us Brits. What you need to decide is whether or not to embrace the culture or stick to seeking out ex pats. Good luck x

I have emboldened the bit that really made me think.

Here I think I may need to fill you in on a little of my expat history; I did not choose to become an expat, my life in the UK became impossible financially thanks to not being ill enough to get benefits and being too ill to work. As a result, my parents took me in, they had already moved to France several years before, so by moving back in with my parents I happened to become an expat. Long story short; I don’t want to be here. So that is my story in brief.

Now, back to dating. Obviously, being in France, 99% of the people I am getting messages from are French. I’m happy to message in French, with the help of Google Translate! The language barrier is definitely something of an issue, but the bigger barrier for me is the cultural one.

It would appear the French are open about sex, really open. Now, whether that’s because they think the English are easy and only talk like that with me, or whether that’s just their culture I don’t know, but that’s how it is.

I’m no prude; I blog about sex, I Tweet about sex, I talk about sex with friends, most of you know that I’m far from prude! However, when dating, looking for love, it’s different for me. I want the person I end up with to want me for more than just sex, I want them to love me for who I am, and by asking before we’ve even met if I enjoy sex, or a myriad of other inappropriate questions, it implies to me that sex is the most important factor in a relationship for them.

So I guess what I’m saying here is no. No, I don’t want to embrace a culture that is obsessed with sex, that thinks sex is the be-all and end-all of relationships.

Expat dating is hard at the best of times, but I think maybe it would be best for me to focus on finding a British or American expat in my area, someone from a similar cultural background. That will, of course, mean my pool of potential partners is massively reduced, but maybe that’s for the best?

3 comments

  1. Ninjacat

    The cultural issues must make all aspects of dating hard

  2. Sheri

    It’s not just the French, I’m Jewish and joined JDate (for Jews) for a little bit and it seems those men were focused on sex as well. Maybe it’s all men? I can’t remember if you addressed this before, but is there an expat group you can go to (I’m sorry, I know you’re uncomfortable doing stuff like that, but maybe this once)? I think I’ve told you, I found my husband on eHarmony. The funny thing is, I’m not quite sure how we were matched because we’re very different. I do have to say deep down our values are the same, so maybe that’s what was/is important. Anyway, I hate dating and I feel your pain.

    1. Mrs TeePot

      I think you’re sadly right, it seems many people (not just men) are not interested in a long term relationship anymore, they just want to ‘have fun’.
      I do go to an expat group but all (or 99%) retirees, most married anyway. Sadly not my age range at all. My area attracts the older age group and most people my age move to the cities for work/study/a life!

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