Firstly apologies for all the name changes! I think we’ve settled on Tinkerbell now though!
Mainly though, I want to tell you that I’m sorry I’m struggling so much to bond with you. I’m trying, and I know it will come in time, but I am frustrated by it. I usually bond instantly with our pets, I don’t know why you are different, but I will love you in time.
Maybe the stress of last week, combined with the stress of having a kitten, is just getting to me. To be honest you are not helping by climbing my bare legs and biting me though! I hope that will cease soon, what with the tellings off you’re getting and your new scratch post and toys.
I can see how cute you are, I really can, and how funny you are, but something deep inside me just hasn’t connected with you for some reason, and that is hard for me. It is hard that I don’t love you yet, I want to, and I am impatient to, but I can’t force it.
Today though, I feel better, in myself and about you. I am trying to just let it be, to let our relationship come gradually, to allow myself to feel what I feel, even if, at the moment, that is nothing.
I am sad that because of my feelings, or lack thereof, I will miss enjoying your kittenhood, but maybe when you are older we will get on better, I just hope I don’t forever beat myself up for not savouring these precious moments; your exploration of each new room, your discovery of how to play with each new toy, your general nuttiness!
So, dear Tinks, that’s where I’m at right now. I can’t sign off with love, but know I wouldn’t have any harm come to you.
Mummy, even if it doesn’t feel that way yet.