Short hair selfie

On Hair

I know the prompt for this week’s Prose for Thought is “Outdoors” but I have no inspiration on that theme I’m afraid…I did take the photo outdoors though! Instead I want to talk to you about hair, the stuff on your head, and my Borderline Personality Disorder, or my Bipolar, or whatever mental illness is causing this.

Short hair selfieI can feel it though it’s tied up. I still know it’s there. I can feel it, the follicles, like an itch, but I don’t want to scratch, I want to pull, to cut, to shave. I want to be rid of it. I need to be rid of it.

It’s there. Even if I don’t look, don’t touch, it’s still there. I want it gone. It needs to be gone.

The length bothers me, it brushes my neck. I know it is there, I can feel it.

I tie it up, I clip up the tiny ponytail I created. It no longer brushes my neck, but I feel it. I know it is there and I hate it, I hate it and I fear it and I am sad about it.

I am drowning in emotions, swirling in them, all the emotions, but for some reason it is my hair, that is where the problem stems from. As if all my emotions are in my hair, as if my hair is causing all the emotions.

I do not know why, I just know it is.

I go to the hairdressers, she cuts my hair, short, like I asked for. I am torn; I want long, beautiful, flowing locks. But I want it gone. It must be gone.

It is gone. I can breathe. I feel in control again, in control of my emotions again, they have eased, back to just mild turmoil.

It is gone. Not all gone, but gone enough for me to be able to control the feelings that wash over me. Gone enough to not feel it like I am in a crisis anymore.

Prose for Thought

9 comments

  1. Morgan Prince

    Oh gosh hun, what a powerful piece of writing. I can’t imagine what it must be like for you but hope you are feeling better. xx

  2. Iona@Redpeffer

    Yes incredibly powerful and I can identify with the idea of being smothered and bothered by something totally.

  3. Daily Kintsugi

    Have you ever tried wearing a wig? Maybe if the hair isn´t yours, as in not coming from your follicles…you can handle a full head of hair. Or maybe just to look at it in the mirror for five minutes.
    Powerful poem you wrote, must not be easy to have such strong feelings about something so simple as hair. hugs.

    1. Mrs TeePot

      I have worn wigs in the past, I still have 3, I actually enjoy wearing them, I like changing my hair a lot.
      Thank you for comment.

  4. Orana

    I have an obsession about my hair too. It has calmed down alot lately though. I used to hate looking at it, or touching it. I´ve had it shaved alot and always kept changing it. Like if my natural hair was haunting me or something. Thanks for sharing.

    1. Mrs TeePot

      I’m glad it’s not just me, but sorry that you have had to deal with this too.

  5. Lisa from Lisa's Life

    So sorry to read you’ve had a stressful week and it know it won’t help but the short cut does look wonderful on you x

    1. Mrs TeePot

      Thank you, I really think I like this short cut actually, I think I might keep it short!

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