This morning I had a psychiatrist appointment. I was nervous. Very nervous. I was psyched up to ask, for the third time, for my medication to be reduced, in the hopes that less medication in my system would ease the side effects of fatigue, lack of concentration and memory loss.
Today, after he explained it was a choice between being emotionally stable & struggling with the side effects, or risking my Bipolar mood swings coming back and hopefully being able to function more with fewer side effects, I told him in no uncertain terms that I wanted to try a reduction in meds. I was thrilled, over the moon and generally ecstatic when he said we would give it a try! So my medication has been halved, all of it, starting today!
Alongside that, my Step-dad and I are going to start going swimming in the hopes I can shift some of this weight I have put on over the past 3 years, and I am starting a walking group run by the psychiatric team to get me out without my parents and challenge my anxiety. I am stupidly nervous about that, terrified in fact, but it needs to be done and I feel in a place now where I might be able to do it.
I came out this time feeling empowered, feeling heard. Some of you will know that, for a few appointments I haven’t felt that way, this time I felt listened to.
So, maybe this is my turning point. Maybe this is where my life begins. Maybe this is my chance to shine.
Please note: I am not anti-medication, I know that I will probably be on medication for the rest of my life due to my mental ill health. This was not about that, it was about the struggle with the side effects ruining my life more than the illness had been.