Today’s Dear So and So is more an open letter to Dr Geeta Nargund in response to her warning to women to have their children before 30.
Dear Dr/Prof Nargund,
I would love to heed your advice to have children before 30. As a 27 year old woman who has heard her biological clock ticking from the moment she was old enough to know what it was, I would adore hearing the pitter patter of tiny feet right now, but there are some issues…
Firstly, I’m a single woman without the financial means to support a child on my own, this rules out the option of becoming a single parent by choice. I am not irresponsible and I will not bring a child into this world when I cannot support them.
Secondly, I am not single by choice, I am single by circumstance. My last partner left, citing my fertility issues as a main reason for leaving, and this dating lark is really difficult, especially in a foreign country. So, despite my almost daily search for Mr or Mrs Right, I am still without a partner and, well, see point one above.
Believe me when I tell you that I don’t want to be an ‘older parent.’ If I’d been able to conceive earlier in life I would have. I desperately want a baby, a family, and I want to be in peak condition to be able to look after them in the best possible way when/if that happens, but having a child is, for some, not a choice that can be made because their circumstances don’t allow for it.
Please realise the pain that you have caused with your words. I have found myself close to tears reading and hearing your thoughts on this matter. I beat myself up regularly for not being able to conceive in my last relationship, for not being able to fulfill my dream to be a mother and you have only added to that with your suggestion.
So, long story short, I already know I’m leaving it late, but it isn’t a choice I’m making, it’s just the situation I find myself in, and I’m not happy with it either.
Baby-less and nearly 30.