dear so and so

Dear So and So: Baby

Today’s Dear So and So is more an open letter to Dr Geeta Nargund in response to her warning to women to have their children before 30.

Dear Dr/Prof Nargund,

I would love to heed your advice to have children before 30. As a 27 year old woman who has heard her biological clock ticking from the moment she was old enough to know what it was, I would adore hearing the pitter patter of tiny feet right now, but there are some issues…

Firstly, I’m a single woman without the financial means to support a child on my own, this rules out the option of becoming a single parent by choice. I am not irresponsible and I will not bring a child into this world when I cannot support them.

Secondly, I am not single by choice, I am single by circumstance. My last partner left, citing my fertility issues as a main reason for leaving, and this dating lark is really difficult, especially in a foreign country. So, despite my almost daily search for Mr or Mrs Right, I am still without a partner and, well, see point one above.

Believe me when I tell you that I don’t want to be an ‘older parent.’ If I’d been able to conceive earlier in life I would have. I desperately want a baby, a family, and I want to be in peak condition to be able to look after them in the best possible way when/if that happens, but having a child is, for some, not a choice that can be made because their circumstances don’t allow for it.

Please realise the pain that you have caused with your words. I have found myself close to tears reading and hearing your thoughts on this matter. I beat myself up regularly for not being able to conceive in my last relationship, for not being able to fulfill my dream to be a mother and you have only added to that with your suggestion.

So, long story short, I already know I’m leaving it late, but it isn’t a choice I’m making, it’s just the situation I find myself in, and I’m not happy with it either.

Yours,
Baby-less and nearly 30.

4 comments

  1. Sheri

    Excellent and heartbreaking response to an ignorant, and often expressed, opinion.

  2. Astrid

    Wow, this is such a moving letter. I am childless by circumstance too, though I am married and don’t have fertility issues (long story). I will most likely never have kids, but this doesn’t make it less painful to hear how bad-for-your-health etc. it is to wait to have kids (or to have no kids at all). Thanks for giving a voice to those who might become parents at a later age (or might never become parents).

    1. Mrs TeePot

      I’m sorry to hear that you are in that situation. Thank you for commenting.

  3. Michelle Twin Mum

    I’ve not seen this news article, so this is the first I’m reading of this but how ignorant to think that all women can just go ahead and do that without any issues or considerations. To my mind 27 is still young, I hope a great man comes along soon so you can fulfil your dream. Mich x

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