Over at Tossing the Script there’s an essay contest, the topic of which is “make waves” and I couldn’t resist the opportunity to write, again, about making waves in my own life! By now, if you’ve followed the blog for a while, you’ll know my entire life story, but this prompt inspired me so I’m sharing bits again!
My life with bipolar, and other mental illnesses, is very much like the being tossed on the waves; up one moment, down the next. There are periods of calm, where the illnesses merely creates little bubbles that gently rock me, but soon the waves crash upon me again.
I am sailing on those seas and have been for some time now, and slowly I am learning how to keep steady on the waves.
When I was younger the waves affected me greatly; I was thrown up and down by them, I had no idea how to steady my little boat. It was exhausting. I tried to fight against the waves but that was even more exhausting, they were stronger than me. I lost friends through my actions, actions I couldn’t control but with no way to explain and no diagnosis they couldn’t understand. It affected all my life, forced me to drop out of Uni, stop working and generally lead an unstable life.
Then I traveled across the channel, a journey across literal waves, and in France I found a psychiatrist prepared to spend time with me, to learn about me and prescribe medications that eased those waves. Although some things get lost in translation, he cares.
With the helps of friends and family and treatment I have learnt to adjust my sails instead of fighting the waves. They still crash upon me and occasionally I find myself off course, but in general now I am in control of my boat.
Now I make waves of my own accord in life, through this blog I try and make waves in the arena of mental health, hopefully bringing awareness to some conditions and to the reality of living with them. My own waves will never subdue, I will always be on somewhat stormy seas but hopefully through writing and sharing my stories I will not only keep my own boat ship shape, but help others to find ways to steady their own vessels.