That ship has sailed

I love kids, always have done, I’ve always known that I wanted a family that included children, it’s been my aim in life, the thing I’ve aspired to be is a parent. I’ve ached, physically ached, to have children, I’ve cried over friends getting pregnant and I’ve changed my diet and lifestyle to give me the best chance to conceive when I was in my last relationship.

But recently things have changed. Friends have made pregnancy/birth announcements and I’ve only felt happy for them, not jealous or miserable too, just happy. I haven’t felt those aches for a while. I wonder if my brain has realised that, with the ending of my relationship, that ship has sailed.

I know that you’re all going to say “you’re still young,” “there’s plenty of time,” etc etc, and that’s very sweet. But I don’t want to be an older parent, and I’m still single at 26. Even if I met someone now we’d still need to spend over a year getting to know each other properly, that makes me 27, then I’d like to get married first (because I’m traditional like that) so there’s another year gone planning and saving for a wedding, 28, then we’ve got to start trying for a baby for at least 2 years before we can be considered for help (I have reason to believe that I may need assistance in that area), that puts me at 30 and for me, that’s too old.

Now I am absolutely not knocking¬†your¬†choice to get pregnant over 30 but, personally, I don’t want to be an ‘older parent.’ I don’t want the risks associated with it and I don’t want to feel that my children are missing out because I’m older.

I do realise that 30 is not old, I even realise that 50 or 60 isn’t old anymore, with people living longer and the scientific advances I know it’s possible to have children almost whenever you feel ready, but as I say, this is my personal choice.

Maybe my thoughts will change as I get older. Maybe I’ll hit 30 and look back on this post and laugh at a naive girl who was struggling to find what she wanted out of life. But right now, I feel that that ship has sailed, and it feels a bit strange to watch it drift off to the horizon and not shed any tears.

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