Many of you will know that I suffer with anxiety issues; I have panic attacks (though rarely now thankfully), and struggle to go out alone. As you can imagine that makes work very difficult, unless I find a job I can do from home and that is easier said than done I can tell you, especially when you don’t have any real skills.
Anyway, today I wanted to talk about the realities of living with anxiety because today it dawned on me; despite having been volunteering one afternoon a week at the local school, my heart still pounds and I still shake terribly for the duration. You would think that over the months I would have become used to it, but that’s the thing with anxiety, or at least with my anxiety, there is no getting used to things, there is just fear.
Fear of things that sound stupid; being picked on by the kids, being laughed at, making a mistake, any mistake.
So today I stood in front of just 12 children and 1 teacher and shook, visibly shook, as I tried to demonstrate making a Christmas cracker and talk about what you get in them. Today my heart pounded so hard and loud I thought they would hear it. Today I realised that my anxiety isn’t going away any time soon, and I don’t know how to deal with that.
And today I also saw the video below, which I really want you to watch. I want you to watch it because it is the reality of the Work Capability Assessment, the one that I failed, the one that stopped my benefits and meant I had to move to France to live with my parents. The one that meant I went from volunteer at a charity shop, trying to get my life back in order, to emotional wreck. It set me back so far in my recovery, and it’s a long enough road there without set backs. So please watch and share the below video, I hope it helps you understand the fear and stress of the WCA.