Danilo Rizzuti Stress

On Not Being ‘Normal’

Danilo Rizzuti Stress
Image Credit: Danilo Rizzuti via FreeDigitalPhotos.net

My mum recently said, in response to my getting stressed about having to do my cours de code and French homework, “There are people who work full time.”

Now sure, she has a point, I follow some of those people on Twitter. I follow people who manage to juggle parenthood, work, blogging and a social life. But I also follow people who struggle to get up in the morning and take care of themselves. The difference between most of those people is their mental health.

While I know that there are people who suffer mental ill health and still manage to work/parent/live, many of us are not in a place to be able to do that. I am not in a place to do that. While I would dearly love to bring in some money to the family, to live independently, to have a life, I can’t.

At the moment I am doing my cours de code (the French driving theory), volunteering at a local school 1 afternoon a week and having French lessons. In between I blog and write for BritMums¬†once a month. Sure to your average Jo(e) that doesn’t seem a lot. It seems like nothing. But to me it’s too much.

Since having taken on the driving and the school I have found my mental health deteriorate rapidly; anxiety attacks, depression and a return to many of the Borderline symptoms that were under control before.

I don’t want to be like this, I don’t want to be stuck doing the minimum amount of things just so I don’t become suicidal and end up in hospital again, but I do have to accept that there is a limit to what I can do and I need to take baby steps, and sometimes I will need to take backwards steps, to move forward. I need to take time out to look after myself and I need people to understand so that when I can’t deal with things they don’t push them on me anyway.

Anyway, being as something had to give I’ve quit my diet and have pretty much taken up napping as a full time job again. I’m eating like a trouper too. But that’s how it goes. I can’t quit anything else so the diet is binned and I’m going to let myself comfort eat because feeling better is more important right now.

Self care is where it’s at.

4 comments

  1. Ailsa Abraham

    I know exactly where you’re coming from. I was one of those “brave” souls who soldiered on trying to keep a job, after suicide attempts, cutting, even after diagnosis … nothing was going to stop me going to work. What happened? I made myself even worse and was a basket case for two years.
    I had to admit in the end that the doctors were right and I was wrong. Nowadays I know my limitations and the days when I can’t even make it out of bed, I just don’t. You’re doing OK, kiddo. Keep going.

    1. Mrs TeePot

      I’m so sorry you’ve been through that, it’s awful isn’t it.
      I wish I could just stay in bed some days. More and more lately in fact, but I can’t. Have to get up and pretend I’m okish.
      Thanks huni, trying to keep going, I swear.

  2. Steve

    It goes without saying Livi, You have loads of friends who will give you support. You know we all care about you

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