It’s not normal to be sat on the busy metro having to focus on your breathing just so you don’t have a panic attack, or to nearly faint in Galeries Lafayette because of the level of noise and amount of people. It’s not normal to get more and more stressed each day of your holiday because you’re having to deal with people and new situations and sensory overload. It’s just not normal, and I so want to be normal.
Don’t get me wrong, compared to how I was several years back I am a walking advert for CBT (that’s Cognitive Behavious Therapy) but my anxiety still rules my life. Where I currently live it’s easy to forget that I have these issues; I spend a lot of time at home, we have few neighbours and even the local cities are small and not very busy. When we go shopping it’s mostly quiet, when we go bowling it’s mostly just us and if there are a lot of people somewhere for some reason I can easily escape. All of this means that I appear normal, I feel normal, but put me somewhere where I have to deal with what is a more normal life and suddenly I realise that I’m not really normal at all, merely better than I once was.
So there we have it. A blog post that uses the word ‘normal’ far more than is…normal…and doesn’t really say a lot. But I needed to get it off my chest.
Now if you’ll excuse me I need to recover from my holiday!