The UK’s benefits system is buggered. I know I’m late to the party with moaning about this but it’s true and it’s only getting worse at the moment.
I suffer with anxiety, depression and borderline personality disorder. There isn’t 1 day in my life where one of those problems is not present and affecting my ability to live a “normal” life. I’ve blogged a lot about my problems, I’ve shared the effects of those problems with you and I’m very open about it. However, I don’t look like your typical mentally ill person, apparently, and that means that I can’t be ill…
Recently I had my wellness for work assessment, it turns out that they lied about my answers to fail me, I now have no income. CAB have been immensely supportive and told me that if I got a sick note from my doctor I could get help to tide me over, so I phoned my doctor. He refused. His refusal was because a psychiatrist that I saw for two 5 minute sessions after being referred to him by accident (I should have been referred to a psychologist instead) has told him that there’s nothing wrong with me. It may be worth noting that the reason for the accidental referral was because I was suicidal.
So now I am in a situation where, despite being ill, I’m not recognised as ill because a man who asked me approximately 10 questions, and took 2 phone calls while in my appointment, is allowed to make a judgement about my mental health. There is nothing I can do.
The stress is, of course, making my problems worse and I am now having to consider checking myself into hospital for my own protection because I recognise the signs of oncoming psychosis and suicide. Of course none of the professionals believe that because if I was really ill then I wouldn’t think to ask for help.
What irks me the most is that I want to work. I loved my job when I was able to do it and I would give anything to be in a position where I could work again. It has taken a long time for me to accept that I can’t at the moment, that I am too ill and too unstable. I am working towards it by volunteering, by setting up my routine, by practising having a social life. I’ve been getting there. But now the rug has been pulled from under me and I see all the signs that I am headed for another breakdown, but until I wind up in an ambulance again the government will believe that I am fit for work.
It still stuns me that mental health is so massively misunderstood and that the “professionals” are just as ignorant as everyone else. I am at a loss. It is rare that I give up fighting, I tend to always believe that there is a way to fix something but right now I don’t. Right now all I see is that because I fight to not totally fall apart I am punished, because I try to live a “normal” life I am a liar. So why fight?
The system is fucked. The end.