Can anyone lend me a spoon?

Not in the cutlery sense! For an explanation of “Spoon Theory” whiz over here, it makes total sense, I promise.

But now seriously, does anyone out there have any spare spoons? because I am all out right now. Between uni, secret (awesome) stuff happening, other secret (possibly awesome) stuff happening, lack of sleep and forgetting to eat I’m not doing so well. Shattered doesn’t even cover it. Not even my NipandFab concealer can save me now! (review to come, promise!)

I’m pushing too hard, I know that. I’m doing uni work in 4-6 hour bursts, with no break. Then I’m doing some writing, or reading (either for uni, or for the writing), then I’m trying to have a conversation with friends so they don’t feel neglected. Uni itself is exhausting enough. In spoon terms by the time I get to the lecture theatre I’m already at least 7 spoons down, and that’s without getting dressed or remembering to eat, that’s just the “main” stuff. I never realised just how exhausting it is to be on high alert from the anxiety all the time, before I just hid in my own little world so I was fine and didn’t have to contend with it, now I don’t have that option.

I’m beating myself up too, for no reason. They know that I can’t make it in all the time. They know that I’m doing my best. But still I feel like I’m in the wrong, like I should be there, every day, at every lecture, like I don’t have a reason. I do have a reason, a medical reason, but somehow I’ve adopted the “it’s not a real illness” thinking held by a vast majority of the public. I have no clue why. Maybe it’s just another way to beat myself up but it’s rubbish, and I know that because I live it! So for my own benefit: my illness is just as real as any physical illness. There will be times that I can’t do it and I will have to make the decision not to go, and there will be times where it will be fine, mostly it will be average but exhausting, and I need to accept that.

On Saturday I spent the morning at work because everybody was either off sick or on holiday. I haven’t been in for about 3 weeks because I just haven’t had the energy after uni, but they needed me so off I went. I managed to walk into a pole while I was there. A pole that has been there the whole time that I’ve worked there, a pole I have never walked into before. Worse, I wasn’t even distracted, my eyes were open, but the first I knew that it was there was when my head smacked against it, followed by the rest of me. I’m pretty sure that gives you an idea of just how tired I am.

Sleep is just not happening. And when I do finally nod off I either a) have to get up for uni, b) am woken by the postman or c) just wake up every couple of hours of my own accord. I can assure you that it is not fun. Even when I am asleep I’m having nightmares, and I’m sure that’s not good for quality of sleep. My brain just wont switch off. Ever. I am quite literally running on empty with no break in sight.

How do you folks do it? How do you juggle work, parenting, blogging, socialising, “me” time, and everything else you do and not end up like this? Is this just a symptom of my anxiety/depression? Do I need to learn to spread my spoons out more? Or are there some top tips that you can give me to end this insanity as soon as possible? Believe me, any and all suggestions will be greatly appreciated! Oh, and if I don’t reply, I’ve probably collapsed from lack of spoons!

Mrs TeePot

25 Responses

  1. Don’t worry the feeling of life being total madness and wanting the train to stop is normal. Needing more spoons is my equivalent of having too many balls in the air and dropping some. Expect to drop balls and forgive yourself for it! I think even students without medical issues don’t go to all lectures. Life will seem harder for you now. You have to get clever about how to fit in food and housework and life. My advice is to eat cereal whilst you work and snack on nuts! Ps if you think your busy now wait til you are a mum!! But don’t worry multitasking gets easier and easier with experience xx

      • Found on a ghost page (hence the change to Disqus!) Thank you Kellogsville:
        Don’t worry the feeling of life being total madness and wanting the train to stop is normal. Needing more spoons is my equivalent of having too many balls in the air and dropping some. Expect to drop balls and forgive yourself for it! I think even students without medical issues don’t go to all lectures. Life will seem harder for you now. You have to get clever about how to fit in food and housework and life. My advice is to eat cereal whilst you work and snack on nuts! Ps if you think your busy now wait til you are a mum!! But don’t worry multitasking gets easier and easier with experience xx

    • You can but I’m assuming any hypnosis ones will be paid for and they’re a lot more expensive on BB than they are on iphone sadly.

  2. thanks for finding my ghost comment..it was made on iphone somewhere on the A14 in a traffic jam (multi-tasking see!!!). I have a number of relaxation and hypnosis mp3s. All were free and there is no copyright on them, if you want them I will email them or post cds.

    • Wow, impressive! Have shifted to Disqus now so *fingers crossed* comments wont disappear like they have been!
      aww thanks hun! I just found you on twitter actually (how I didn’t know you were there already is a mystery!) I’ll DM my email address cos that’d be fab! Thanks

  3. thanks for finding my ghost comment..it was made on iphone somewhere on the A14 in a traffic jam (multi-tasking see!!!). I have a number of relaxation and hypnosis mp3s. All were free and there is no copyright on them, if you want them I will email them or post cds.

    • Wow, impressive! Have shifted to Disqus now so *fingers crossed* comments wont disappear like they have been!
      aww thanks hun! I just found you on twitter actually (how I didn’t know you were there already is a mystery!) I’ll DM my email address cos that’d be fab! Thanks

    • You sound very busy the best thing i find is to find a balance between what you have in life and sticking to it. I for one have no idea how i balance all the things in my life, or should i say juggle. At the moment i work full time usually, train for hockey atleast twice a week in the evenings, play a match at the weekend, and write my dissertation at the weekend aswell, also look for love but that part of my life, at the moment i have no look with.

  4. You sound very busy the best thing i find is to find a balance between what you have in life and sticking to it. I for one have no idea how i balance all the things in my life, or should i say juggle. At the moment i work full time usually, train for hockey atleast twice a week in the evenings, play a match at the weekend, and write my dissertation at the weekend aswell, also look for love but that part of my life, at the moment i have no look with.

  5. Ok. First ((hugs)) – I wish I was there to give you them in person.

    Second. Thank you for putting me on to the spoon theory. It does make perfect sense, and I cried when I read it. It’s me, to a T. I wish I knew how to fix us both.

    Third. Secrets?? We don’t have secrets!! Spill, woman!!

    xxx

    • Found on a ghost page (hence the change to Disqus!) Thank you Kellogsville:
      Don’t worry the feeling of life being total madness and wanting the train to stop is normal. Needing more spoons is my equivalent of having too many balls in the air and dropping some. Expect to drop balls and forgive yourself for it! I think even students without medical issues don’t go to all lectures. Life will seem harder for you now. You have to get clever about how to fit in food and housework and life. My advice is to eat cereal whilst you work and snack on nuts! Ps if you think your busy now wait til you are a mum!! But don’t worry multitasking gets easier and easier with experience xx

    • Thanks *hugs* back to you too.
      When I first read spoon theory I felt like that, it makes so much sense!
      Not my secret to spill, but it should all be out in the open next month! 😀 worth the wait, I promise!

        • You can but I’m assuming any hypnosis ones will be paid for and they’re a lot more expensive on BB than they are on iphone sadly.

            • Ok. First ((hugs)) – I wish I was there to give you them in person.

              Second. Thank you for putting me on to the spoon theory. It does make perfect sense, and I cried when I read it. It’s me, to a T. I wish I knew how to fix us both.

              Third. Secrets?? We don’t have secrets!! Spill, woman!!

              xxx

              • Thanks *hugs* back to you too.
                When I first read spoon theory I felt like that, it makes so much sense!
                Not my secret to spill, but it should all be out in the open next month! 😀 worth the wait, I promise!

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