The Perfect Wife

For this week’s Writing Workshop from the lovely Josie, I have chosen prompt number 3: “What skill would you like to learn?” And I am also cheating slightly, because it’s not one skill specifically, but rather a set of skills that would make me, in my eyes, the “perfect” wife.

For several years now I have wanted to go to finishing school, watching Ladette to Lady obviously fuelled my desire, but it’s something I feel is important. When I got engaged I started looking into it even further and found that some places do pre wedding courses and was incredibly excited, they also do mother/daughter ones which I would definitely look into when (or if) I have a little girl!

But I digress!

Wife fail #1: I want to be able to flower arrange, currently I suck! I can’t grow flowers, pick them properly or arrange them, it’s something that bugs me, a lot, I like having flowers in the house but rarely do because I have no idea how to make them look nice.

Wife fail #2: I don’t cook pretentious food, ever. I cook homely meals, that’s fine, no problems there. No problems baking wise either, I can whip up some cookies or a cake in a flash, but posh, pretentious food is not my forté. I’ve never tried and I think the main reason is because I’m picky with food, so who knows, maybe I could make something very tiny and serve it beautifully on an enormous plate, but I never do.

Wife fail #3: Make up. I fail at make up, not in an epic way, but it’s not how I want it. Maybe I’m not using the right stuff, or skimping in the wrong places or just doing it wrong, but it’s never perfect. Ditto my hair! And my wardrobe. So generally “how I look” is probably just the fail! I have zero fashion sense and no idea how to put an outfit together (please no one tell Gok!) and it is definitely something I need help with. I’d love to be able to dress as well as Charlotte (of Sex and the City fame) all the time.

Wife fail #4: Etiquette. I am far from ladette, but I am also pretty far from lady! I’ve cut back on the swearing but I can be quite crude at times, and very rarely do words get to my mouth via the brain, in fact it seems to be a missing link! Even though I’ve picked up bits of knowledge over time, I don’t feel confident in it because it hasn’t been taught to me.

Wife fail #5: I can’t dance. That may be my biggest shame, I would love to be whisked around the dance floor without panicking! As far as I’m aware I don’t look completely useless, but I have no confidence at all in my dancing abilities, despite doing it a lot in private. I definitely need the moves!

Wife fail #6: I’m not the best at acting respectful even though I mean to be. I think it’s the way I phrase things, rather than what I’m asking/saying, but either way I hate it. I can’t even just keep my mouth shut because, as I mentioned before, there is a lack of connection between my brain and my mouth! Every time I do it I want to slap myself, if I notice, but by then it’s too late. *sigh*

There is probably more but, considering this was the happy option of the two possibilities I saw this week, I’m going to shut up before I change my OH’s mind! So overall I think I’m currently scoring a 2/10 on the “Wife-o-meter” and that is not acceptable!

Edit: Having read some of the feedback on this post I’m sensing it’s come across wrong, so I’m adding a little edit here! I do want to do these things for me, because they interest me and they are things I want to be able to do, my OH loves me as I am (thankfully!) and would, I hope, argue that I’m at least 9/10 on the Wife-o-meter already! Additionally, I am actually very happy with myself, although evidently this doesn’t come across :s I spent a lot of time hating myself and changing who I was for other people and have finally reached a place where I am happy with who I am. Rather than putting pressure on myself, it actually makes me feel cozy and warm to do homely things like that. *makes note to try to be clearer

P.s. my OH’s guest post is now up and you can find it here, it’s also very good!

19 Responses

  1. I think you sound like a real person rather than a Stepford Wife. All those skills you'd like to have can be learned. Regarding pretentious food–I have eaten at professionals houses, a composers house, and the home of the Chief Exec of OK magazine and none of them have served pretentious food! Thats what you go to restaurants for. Check out books and websites to learn some of those skills and just practice. You have self knowledge and the desire to improve, thats most important. But also remember to remain yourself while you evolve. 🙂

    • Thanks for the comment 🙂 I'm aiming for a happy medium between "normal person" and "Stepford wife", that's the plan anyway! I don't expect to be perfect but I do enjoy trying!

    • i so get you in this post! i too get frustrated every time i have to arrange flowers, i spend so many days just wishing i could dress myself better (i spend so much money on wasted clothes). i dream of doing a dance routine that leaves people speechless. And, i want all these things for myself!

      • Awww I can’t say I can do any of those either!!

        I’d love to take dancing classes, like ballroom dancing…
        did ask both my current OH and my ex OH (when together) if they’d take classes with me but they both scoffed at the thought of something so apparently ridiculous! LOL… but I’d love to give it a whirl. Loved “social dancing” at school when we had to do it near Christmas for P.E. classes for the Scottish dancing at the xmas party.

        However that’s the only one on your list I’d like to have hehe…

  2. I think you sound like all of us! We cant be all things to all people. You need to see flower arranging as art – there are all types and the best way to start is by doing it and playing with it but like everything it takes time. With regard to make up I treat myself every couple of years and book up a make up update with someone at space nk. its free you do not have to buy anything and you can copy it at home and ask as many questions as you want while they are doing it! hope my small tips help!!

  3. Before I say anything , because I know it is hard to “read” tones in written words, all that I am saying I am saying in a non condesending and loving “tone” of voice.

    When i read your post, my first thought was is that there is nothing perfect in the world. It makes me sad that in some ways we all try to aim for something that is not real because there is no perfect.

    After 21 years of marriage and being able to do things on your list but I am still in no way am I the perfect wife. I offer you this advice:

    Listen to yourself first-what makes you happy for you and not for someone else or for someone else’s thanks or approval. It is very easy to want to do great things for others because you then get the approval we all seek. If it is truly something you want to do for you great, if it becomes at any point a burden at all, you need to rethink.

    The other piece of advice is instead of all those courses or classes you would like to take, take a seminar with your OH on communication. It will change your life and marriage.

    Remember marriage is always changing, always peaks and valleys and always work. I wrote about that here:

    Lots of luck and if you would like an y other tips, let me know.


  4. I can understand how you feel. I wish to be the ‘perfect wife’ too, not for him – though I’m sure he would appreciate it – but for me. I want to be able to put flowers together, to make delicious and maybe even pretentious meals, to have flawless make-up & hair, the perfect figure and gorgeous clothes. To be able to dance as good as he can…. And much more.

    I loved your post!

    • Blimey, if I could do a quarter of what's on that list I'd be a very happy woman. Unfortunately for my husband, I'm too busy trying not to swear at my children to go to classes 😉

      Good luck with all that – let us know how you get on.

  5. It sounds like while you know yourself well, there are many ways you want to grow and evolve. I go through that too… all of a sudden wanting to change this, that or the other. Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I fail.

    And even though I am hopeless at dancing no matter how hard I try, I can arrange a killer floral arrangement and am all about makeup. Let me know if you want any tips or tricks. 🙂

    Good luck with your quest to better yourself… and always do it for yourself.



  6. Oh we are so alike! I cant flower arrange or even grow them , I am a total failure at cooking , I do not wear make-up as I dont really know to apply it – I always look orange when I apply foundation! And I'm getting more & more lad like everyday – I love wearing 3/4 lengths with skate shoes! The only feminine thing I really do is straighten my hair! Lol xxx

  7. Good luck with all these wonderful new skills you're aiming to learn. Just for the record. I'm useless with make up (and going on 44!) I can cook, well even but not pretentious stuff and just as well as my OH wouldn't want it anyway. He's very much a meat and two veg man.
    flower arranging – mine get unwrapped and unceremoniously stuffed in a vase and alwasy look 'wrong'
    He loves you, you're engaged to be married and you'll take to marriage like a duck to water I'm sure xxx

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