No Ball Games

Note (2020): this does not reflect my current views on men, gender or relationships. I have a post about feminism and how my views have changed. I am leaving this post up as a reminder that people can learn and grow and change.

The emasculation of men is something I have always felt strongly about but after a late night (early morning) conversation with the delectable Dopey Dee has previously covered this topic from a different viewpoint) I have been spurred on to blog about the topic! It also follows on quite nicely from my 50s women post earlier this week, might as well get all the controversy out of the way!

I would like to prelude my rant by saying that when I use the term “real men”, “masculine” and so on I am not referring to abusive, controlling or thuggish men, I am referring to the traditional man; gentlemanly, charmingly chauvinistic, intelligent and ruggedly handsome. It is my opinion that the former type of man is not a man at all, but that’s another post.

Firstly, I like my men to be men, and I’m naturally submissive to them, so I’m biased. I like men who are ruggedly handsome, who can throw me about (in a good way 😉 ),who drink beer and eat raw red meat. Occasionally I want to have to demand that the rugby be turned off for “us” time and when I get out of line I want to be put back in my place. Masculinity is important to me. I want them to be the head of the household, decisive and did I mention ruggedly handsome?!

*pause for drooling*

It would appear, however, that this type of man is a dying breed, and dying fast. Suddenly, with all the PC nonsense going on, “masculine” has become a dirty word. Apparently nowadays women want skinny, well preened, spineless, pseudo-men who keep their balls in glass jars on the mantelpiece. I have a suggestion for you; go out with a woman! Do you honestly want to be in a bathroom battle with your boyfriend before a night out? I don’t understand the attraction to a man who wears as much make up as you, I really don’t get it.

Trying to get back on track though; what is wrong with a strong, confident man doing your DIY for you, paying for the dates you go on, saving you from spiders, wanting you to wear a pretty dress and treating you like a princess? Why does this offend so many people, specifically women, now? It is in no way implying the woman’s weakness or anything else, it is simply a polite thing to do to make the woman’s life a little easier. It shows respect and that you have been noticed and are important enough to warrant an action to show that.
I heard a quote somewhere, I fail to remember the quote exactly but it may well have been spoken by my other half, that went along the lines of “I open doors for women because of who I am, not because of who they are” and I completely agree; by opening a door a man is showing that he is self-less, caring and respectful of women. By being offended you are showing that you are selfish, judgemental  and rude, that of course is just my opinion though, you could just be angry at all men because none of them show you any interest. *prepares for abuse*

My point, I think, is stop wasting your energy being offended that a man wants to help you and be thankful. Be thankful he’s not assaulting, raping or murdering you*, be thankful he’s not leering at you while yelling something distasteful about your assets, be thankful that he took some time our of his day to do something nice for you for no reason and give him a smile. It won’t kill you. (*Edit: I wrote this while very worked up! As a result a left the, now stricken, comment in, but I’m going to explain it more now! It was not meant to imply that it is a man’s right to rape,murder or assault you, but merely to point out that there are far worse things a man could be doing than opening a door for you.)

Moving on, as I seem to have gone slightly off topic, again! Although it does seem to be a feminist issue. Most men I speak to now say that they are confused about what women want from them, they can’t do right for doing wrong; If they look after themselves and try to be a “modern man” they get told they’re not manly enough, if they’re rough and ready they get told that they’re sexist, it’s a no win situation. I’m trying to avoid saying it but I can’t any longer: we’re different! Men and women are like chalk and cheese, and no one wants chalky flavoured cheese now, do they!

The swing back to macho men seems to be starting though, the reign of Russel Brand and co is, thankfully, coming to an end, but what do women really want? Do you even know yourselves? Have you now decided that real men are, in fact, the way forward or are you just waiting for them to grow their balls back so that you can castrate them again on your next power kick? Ladies, you need to make your minds up. If you want a man who is strong, defends his beliefs and works hard at his career then you need to be the kind of woman that supports him, cooks his dinner and doesn’t demand he check his balls at the door. I’m not advocating being a doormat with no opinions, I’m hardly the person to advocate that, I’m merely suggesting that if you continue to insist on stripping each man you meet of their masculinity then don’t be surprised when there’s no one to rescue you from the castle but you.

6 comments

  1. deb

    Another good read. Thanks for the mention x Oh yes give me a real man anyday. What’s with waxing chest hair? There’s nothing like snuggling up to a man with a bit of fur to run your fingers through,though I must admit I don’t like hairy backs. I don’t think i’ll go as far as saying i’ll let any man tell me what to do or put me back in my box. I’m quite happy to be the dutiful partner/ home-maker but if a guy started telling me what to do he’d cop an earful lmao 😉
    There’s one exception though. I really really fancy Johnny Depp as Captain Jack the rest of the time he doesn’t do that much for me. But that’s when he’s at his campest and wears more make-up then me, so what does that say?

    1. Livi

      Glad you enjoyed it!
      Totally agree about the waxing. Not a fan of back hair but I’d rather that than waxing!
      I’m the same! I can be dutiful and polite but don’t take the piss!
      I fancy Johnny Depp all the time, as everyone! Even with the make-up in POTC I think he’s still a far cry from the pansy men that are around at the moment! I love him all his dark characters the most! Nothing like a dark, mysterious man!

  2. MrsW

    I think calling men pansy is fairly impolite though isn’t it?

    In our partnership one of us teaches and is a musician (has beautiful nails!), reads poetry, loves classical music and is useless at DIY.

    The other reads sci-fi and alternate history, worked as a systems analyst, is a former St Johnstone season ticket holder and does all the decorating, tiling, replacing of plugs, putting up shelves etc.

    You can probably guess which is which. Does this make my OH less of a man or me less of a woman? Of course not.

    Men and women are different but not through anything innate, we adopt social gender roles because we recognise qualities in them in ourselves and we align ourselves accordingly. And we are multi-faceted, each capable of adopting behaviours contrary to the hegemonic norm.

    If you can look to a different time or place and see men and women behave in another way, adopt different roles then gender must be culturally and historically specific, there’s nothing natural about it! Nobody is born holding a screwdriver or a rolling pin. In one pacific islands society there is even a third gender, assigned at birth and based on none of the criteria we would recognise as being valid.

    You have chosen to adopt a gender role you are comfortable with and sought a partner to complement your view of what makes a man and what makes a woman. It is a less popular construct of masculinity/femininity than it was in years gone by but if it works for you that’s great. I don’t believe it will work for the majority of people in this society at this time because gender roles are not set in stone. We renegotiate our roles all the time and they have changed. I believe for the better.

    Anyway – love your photos and have an award over at mine for you – come see!

    1. Livi

      Apologies for being impolite, I merely wanted to get my point across.

      I am in total agreement that if that works for you, then great, do what you like! It is more society in general that I am speaking of as I find a lot of women, ones that are firmly on the feminist bandwagon, complaining about weak willed men and this mystifies me!

      It may surprise you that I also agree that we are not predisposed to a gender. It is perfectly possible for men to enjoy playing with dolls and show what are considered female traits as a child and vice versa. However, I would imagine, and I’m only guessing, that if you took 100 boys and 100 girls and gave them the choice between say a dump truck and a doll the majority of girls would head for the doll and the majority of boys would head for the truck. I believe there has been some psychological studies done on this but I fail to recall by who! *makes note to research*

      I also agree that gender roles are renegotiated all the time, despite my fairly traditional relationship there are times when I have to attempt DIY, for example, or make the big decisions because there is something going on in his life that means he needs a break. Likewise if I am ill he will do some housework (badly!) and take care of me.

      Despite my views I consider myself very much a live and let live kinda gal. If it works for you and no one’s getting hurt then you do it, the main reason that I get so irate is that I very rarely come across that attitude towards my opinions and therefore am immediately on the defensive when I discuss them.

      Thank you for the photo love! I am scooting over to your blog now to have a look!
      Thanks for the comment, nice to hear a view from the other side that isn’t an attack! 🙂

      1. Aliquant

        Yer what?! – "Be thankful he’s not assaulting, raping or murdering you, be thankful he’s not leering at you while yelling something distasteful about your assets" – are you kidding me?! NO, No I will not be "thankful" that a guy is treating me with respect, I will not be grateful that he chooses not to rape me, I will not look at him and think myself lucky that he has decided not to assault me today. Those things are a GIVEN, they are not things to be thankful for. Just as you wouldn't look at a female friend and feel grateful to her for not scratching your eyes out with her long red fingernails or stamping on your foot with her stiletto heel… I'm sorry, but to suggest we should be thankful for not being raped implies an expectation that it will happen, that the man in question is doing us a favour by not carrying out his rights as a Y-chromosome bearer.

        You and I have spoken at length recently about feminism, women's roles and the like, and although it's not always immediately clear in your blog posts you have tried to make it clear to me that you are an advocate of choice when it comes to women going out to work or staying at home with two-and-a-half kids and picket fences; however no amount of choice, feminism, picket fences or attendances at Germaine Greer lectures would ever suggest to me that I should feel grateful for not being assaulted by someone just because he happens to be a Mike not Michelle.

        1. Livi

          I've added the edit! Hope that makes it sound a bit better!

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