This weekend is the agility fun weekend. As I have been trying to sleep most nights for the past month, I have been worrying about taking part in it. I’m not worried that we (TiLi and I) wont be able to do the course, she rocks, she will be amazing, I’m worried that there will be people there, watching, judging.
It’s for fun, it’s for charity, I know this. I know that it doesn’t matter if we get a rosette or not (even though I’m pretty competitive and it does matter really), I know that people will probably be too busy watching TiLi and looking at how cute she is to take any notice of my handling skills, or lack of. I know that, even if people do judge me, it’s not my problem, it’s theirs.
But it is my problem, because my anxiety is gradually getting worse the closer it gets. Worse to the point that if I think about being in the ring I feel sick, my chest tightens, I feel on the verge of a panic attack.
Last year we got round it, we hadn’t long started training, so my mum did the courses with TiLi instead of me. This year that’s not really an option, the bond is between T and I, it’s me that’s been learning how to handle her, we’re a team. Team TiPot!
So I’m trying to emotionally prepare for the weekend, but it’s hard when I can’t even think about it without panic washing over me.
And to add to that, I’ve been asked, along with another volunteer, to take photos of the weekend. It’s an honour to be asked, of course, to think that someone thinks I can do it well enough, but my god is it scary too! I have zero faith in my ability to capture the goings on, the atmosphere, the action, and it’s added pressure because now I can’t wuss out at the last minute, or go home early.
So I’m preparing for that too, charging camera batteries, wiping SD cards, praying that I’ll be good enough…
Let’s hope my preparation isn’t for nothing. Let’s hope that my anxiety is under control this weekend. Let’s hope…
WeeWifie @ One Epic Holiday
Oh hunny… you DO kick ass!! You do SO much, despite the MH issues and the anxiety. So much to be proud of. I am of you!! As, no doubt, others are too.
For me, when I have the worries, I find just living day to day and not thinking about the future helps. Not that I have anxiety, but sure have the worries, fret and anxious moments. Not to mention the forceful lows that keep hitting me lately. But you’ve been battling this a long time, and don’t need folk telling you “do this!” or “this works for me, so it’ll work for you too!”… because, as you know, it’s bullshit! No-one knows what works for another and what they’ve tried and you’ll have tried probably everything! Expert in your own conditions and own body.
What I will say is, please try not feel pressure to do it if, on the day, you feel you just can’t. There’s no shame, harm, nor anything else, by not competing and holding your hands up and saying “not today, thank you”.
Stay strong my awesome TeePot! xx
suzanne3childrenandit
I’m a great believer in ‘fail to prepare, prepare to fail’. You’ve done ALL of the right things – I’m sure you and TiLi will be a roaring success! x
Bek Dillydrops
I hope it all goes brilliantly for you. I know that panicked feeling, all too well, but when you get there, things will go better than you imagine. You will do brilliantly with the photography too. Good luck with it all :-)#ThePrompt
Mummy Tries
Really hope it works out well for you Livi, wishing you lots of luck and keeping my fingers crossed for you 🙂 #theprompt
Gailann @MummaG
Good luck, you will be wonderful x
Sheri
I’m a day late, but I hope it goes (went) well! This is such a good thing for you to do, you’re not alone TiLi is there with you.
Emma from LIFE AS IT IS
So I’m wondering how it went Livi? Hope you are smiling as you recover today, and looking back at some great photographic memories too! Well done whatever the outcome x
Lisa from Lisa's Life
Go Team TiPot! I hope the anxiety doesn’t ruin this weekend. It may all be a bit of a blur but there should be some great photos to bring back the happy memories x
Sara | mumturnedmom
Oh, I hope it all went really well Livi, I’m sure Team TiPot were fantastic, and your photos will be wonderful too. You did all the right things to prepare x Thanks so much for sharing with #ThePrompt x
tracey at Mummyshire
I’m writing this on Monday, so I really do hope your weekend has gone well. Lots of deep breaths and excitement to get your through. It sounds like you’ve done so much to prepare, and preparation is the key to getting through, even if you are nervous your preparation will carry you through.
I really hope you had a great weekend
xx
#ThePrompt